meditate stephanie.

i was born into a family that was no religion. we believed in what we seen.

the christian religion has done me much harm. being bipolar and having strong convictions in the christian religion deep down. now i dont.

i needed medication and accept this.

meditate though.....thats your next step.

it doesnt matter what you believe.

that which looks for it is it. the self is the ultimate reality.

Quote: "I never had any devout religious upbringing. My parents weren't church-goers even though my mother was raised a Methodist and my father was raised a Lutheran.

My grandmother took it upon herself to raise me as a Lutheran. From an early age, it didn't set well with me. I found it boring and hypocritical. It was at that time I started to do the one thing the Church abhors, I started questioning the doctrine. It was at the same time I discovered the Church fears 'free-thought' and will do anything to destroy it.

I bounced-around to various other Christian faiths. None of them set well with me. It amazed me, though how different 'churches' with congregations who all pretty much believe the same thing can dislike one another. The conflict between the Catholics and Protestants in Ireland is a prime example. Mormons preach that they are tolerant yet they discriminate amongst themselves. None of this makes sense to me.

When I was in the military, I fell in with some Satanists and later became one. Anton LaVey had some interesting ideas but, as with Christianity, it fell by the wayside. It held no interest for me. Aleister Crowley was a nutcase.

After all this, I became a self-stylized 'Atheist'. I had denounced any and all forms of religion. I believed that 'religion' was not only unnecessary, but inherently dangerous. Look at how many wars were started in the name of religion.

A wiccan priestess referred me to Buddhism. I know nothing of either wicca or Buddhism. I don't regard Buddhism to be a 'religion' as there is nothing to believe. It simply is - or so I'm told.

I keep finding myself expecting to have other people guide my way. It's a habit. I'm very slowly finding out that the only person who can guide my way is myself. However, I'm also finding that looking within myself is like wading through a quagmire - a great deal of clutter to dispose of before anything vaguely resembling clarity can shine through.

I do, however, like the way Rustic worded his post. Very well done, sir :)

"
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satanism eh? what a joke. no such thing as spells.

thats right the only way is that which guides itself. count on yourself. guide yourself.

that which looks for the ulitmate reality IS the ultimate reality.

Quote: "I use to witness to people about Jesus, converting them, the girls converted the easiest. I'd go door to door knocking, and inviting someone to the Lord. It actually worked. Then I invited them to the church, and frequently the convert got the same message I did, from inside... "What am I doing here?" You could only hear the gospel message a few times and think, "didn't we go over this before?" A little vain repetition? Oh yeah, I'm guilty. But forgiven! Just an excuse, known as projection in psychoanalytic terms.  What an empty excuse, rather than a deep observation of what makes me sin. Eventually in school, (I was working on an art degree) I began getting psychotherapy, it was free, and someone just had to listen to me. : ) kinda like here.

I have a very vivid memory of a few of  "us"  Christian evangelists going into a the Student Union and trying to convert a Buddhist monk. We thought we were saving him. There were like 5 of us preaching around this guy. I was having my say, when the monk stopped me, looked me in the eye and said, "I use to be like you."

That one got me, started on another path. At first I remember feeling a kind of resentment for the comparison.  But now I see the monk opened my path, without me feeling ashamed of being a sinner.  "

sounds good johny cat
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