parents expected me to go to college and i just kinda went with it. 
not returning to the university. 
was studying philosophy--but everything presupposes the existence of a "person". 
the whole "mind" that they talk about and the whole human condition they have been trying to figure out (throughout history) is based on that erroneous concept.
 psychology cant help anybody fix their lasting problems because this concept is also presupposed.
decided to have a little fun and deconstruct that concept in my own way for a few term papers and the teacher nearly failed me. 
all in good fun though :P. 
everything that can be studied anywhere leads away from what-you-are.

younger sister has apparently been addicted to heroin for 2 years and told parents.
she's in some rehab facility for another few months or so.
parents (divorced for a long while) are falling apart and going to meetings about recovery etc.
been telling them the good news:
-before "birth" during "life" after "death"--THAT prevails now
-"look at me...now close your eyes.. notice when you closed your eyes you did not lose consciousness.  something is aware when they eyes are open and closed..awareness is ever present(apparent waking, sleeping, and dreaming), eternal, unlimited, no-thing, what-you-are (etc).. nothing has ever been done for awareness to be aware… look for yourself whenever you are moved to, as often as you can… don’t make it about finding some far off mystical state of enlightenment (i used to be looking for it since senior year in HS—so they think that they might also have to go searching for it too and that they really don’t have time for that—“we have to put food on the table!”) just make it about finding the truth for yourself….reminded them that what they are looking for (peace/relief/truth/whatever) is what IS looking.  Reminded them that all understanding comes after seeing the seeing for oneself, and that I would not elaborate on concepts too much because it would be no use to them for me to sow my understanding in them.” Anyway, it goes on with more of the same.. occasionally I remind them that carlee(sis) is fine and things are already fine but that just seems to piss them off, haha.

-a few months ago I used to notice all the problems in the world and how unreal they are and wanted to blurt the truth everywhere to everyone (I didn’t—dunno why but I just kept quiet and abided as what-i-am as always).  Now all that is seen is the seeing with no one seeing it everywhere.  In other words, no problems, no people, no things, just peace/the kingdom of heaven/myself/reality/whatever it may be called.  Nothing needs to be fixed and nobody needs to be told anything ~_~!!!! 

-not worrying much about job/college/eating/sleeping/living/anything.  If I force myself(body) to apparently think about “what im doing with the rest of my life” I just see culture/society and everything they are doing as decidedly useless and feel silly/stupid about going to college or doing anything—(apparent) life is such a short trip anyway why even bother?   But im not REALLY troubled by that anyhow—if the body wants to go get a job or make something happen it can go do that.  Who knows? I(body) might just mooch off parents until it gets kicked out then I’ll just go sit in the desert and die.  I guess we’ll know sooner or later haha. 

Thanks to rustic, chontri, lehish, and woods for kicking my ass(concepts) up and down the field and out of the park.

im sitting on a chair with no legs

these are the final words of this apparent post = )

reminded them that what they are looking for (peace/relief/truth/whatever) is what IS looking

peace looks for peace. enlightenment looks for enlightenment.

the ultimate reality is you.

each of us.

your personal beliefs do not nessacirly coincide with what is.

awareness is the soul.

attention is the guiding point.

the mind exists.

your sister ISNT fine. she was addicated to heroin.

tHAnks HAgibberish

gassHO

;)

Quote: "Yeah! Is that this and such how.. Shaayne, shall we agree to sit our fat asses down at least 5 min A Day? I know you ought a know th<zat
Here, time to chill out..
"
.........

snibbler..........im fine.

You do not need to leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. Do not even listen, simply wait. Do not even wait, be quiet still and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked. It has no choice. It will roll in ecstasy at your feet. 

~Franz Kafka

Hello?  Anyone home?

Apparently, we are told there are apparent things all over the apparent place. 

I am simply not here.

I am rustic. I am not rustic.

I am nothing, no-thing. I am something.

I exist. I don't exist.

I am not this, not that. I am that, I am this.

I am. Who is?

I-am-ness! Who-am-ness?

All of the above is true.  

All of the above is false.

Good grief.

Listen: a bird tweets outside.

This happens for no-one.

No bird tweets outside.  This happens for someone.

A bird tweets. A no-bird doesn't tweet. Can a no-bird tweet?

A no-bird un-tweets its birdy tweeting. For no-one.

No bird. No tweeting. No me. No thing.

And yet: "TWWWWEET! TWWWEET!"

This is undeniable.

"TWWWEET! TWWWEET!", goes the bird in the garden.

"TWWWEET! TWWWEET!"

This is undeniable.

THIS is undeniable.

THIS is this. Is this.

THIS is. This IS.

This is this.

Just this.

Just this. 

I am.

Just this.

"TWWWEET! TWWWEET!"

Who cares whether or not there is 'such a thing as liberation' when this moment is so alive...we talk about the 'unnameable mystery' and give it a name - this divine paradox, this pure unconditional love which passes all understanding, beyond all words and comprehension, beyond all mind-created ideas.  Life itself is grace and nothing more needs to be said. 

i have the game but my graphics card isnt fast enoufe and i got lag. sorry.

Quote: "Crappy exuse!:) Tried with video-screen size all way down?.. "

nah too laggy and thats with the video display all the way down.

buy unreal tournament on steam.
.........

"I just see culture/society and everything they are doing as decidedly useless and feel silly/stupid about going to college or doing anything—(apparent) life is such a short trip anyway why even bother?"

"Which moon is this?"

"...Donnie Darko.."

"I Loved that film!"

Did you also like "Silence of the Lambs" (kinda like Donnie Darko)? And the "Dark Place" series (kinda like Brazil)?

"Life itself is grace and nothing more needs to be said."

How does it feel to ya?

unreal tournament 1 or half life 1 or 2.

are certain is "apathy" ?

Ohso:

Another Sufi mystic, Junnaid, the master of al-Hillaj Mansoor. Al-Hillaj became world famous because he was murdered; hence Junnaid fell into shadow. But the few sentences, fragments, that have survived from Junnaid are really great. Otherwise how could he have produced a disciple like al-Hillaj Mansoor? Only a few stories, verses and statements remain, all of them fragmentary. That is the way of the mystic: he does not even bother to connect them into a whole. He does not make a garland of flowers, but only heaps them. It is up to you to choose.

Junnaid said to al-Hillaj Mansoor, "What you have known, keep it to yourself. Do not shout ana'l haq! so loudly. If you say it, you will say it in such a way that nobody can hear you."

Everybody has been unjust to Junnaid. They thought he was a little afraid. It is not so. It is easy to know the truth, it is easy to declare it; it is immensely difficult to keep it in your heart undeclared, unpronounced. Let those who want to come to the well of your being, to your silence.

you posted > So, is this apathy? There is a difference between apathy and total action. <  then  explained without a response to the question

asked if were certain

yet cared enough to post "I don't care" ;)

Quote: "i&apos;m going out to work in the garden, and clean  the bird houses. "
.........

but weren't while typing

Quote: "Going into the garden to top up wild-bird feeders with peanuts and black sunflower seeds - sundry foods for the bird-table, clean out the bird-bath and fill with fresh water, check temperature in greenhouse, adjust ventilation. "
.........

but weren't while typing

Quote: "Have to find some exterior caulk for tops of bird houses so they won&apos;t leak. Then on to the carrot patch to cover with chicken wire. And hand hoe a bit. Ginger brew! Yes, I&apos;m there! : ) 
"
.........

"then'"wasn't while typing

Quote: ""sssllluuuurrrpppp!!!"  ginger brew!!

oak splinter, in my left thumb... no typing for that one... ness

had to retool my stakes.

"Carrot, Little Finger?"
"
.........

:) is gone

time in a bottle.

i dig this song.

nerb buisness? haha.

true.

anyway...............do you have quake 3?

want me to get quake?

get steam from www.steampowered .com

then we can play some valve and id games.

theirs epic too.

halflife 1 , unreal tournament 1 and ids games ah,,,,,quake,,,thats its name..haha. is ten bucks. so is half life 2 deathmatch.

right now me and my middle boy are playing half life 2 deathmatch. though his video card sucks.

ever play aliens vs predator 2?

"it gone" "no need to worry", rusticHA