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TOPIC: FUNNIES |
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Posted on Jun.02.2008 @ 04:19PM EDT by 9999999
THE MONK
A new monk arrives at the old Italian monastery for his celibate life
of shared poverty and prayer, and is assigned to help the other monks
in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that they are
copying from copies, not the original manuscripts. So, the new monk
goes to the head monk to ask him about this, pointing out that if there
were an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all
of the subsequent copies. The head monk says, “We have been copying
from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.” So,
he goes down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against
the original. Hours go by and nobody sees him. So, one of the monks
goes downstairs to look for him. Hearing sobbing coming from the back
of the cellar, he finds the old monk leaning over one of the original
books crying, and muttering between tears: “There’s an R! There’s an
R!” He asks the old monk what’s wrong, and in a choked voice came the
reply, “The original word isn’t “celibate” but “celebrate.”
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Reply from 9999999
Jun.02.2008
04:19PM EDT
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A Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they were on the
way to church service, “And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?”
One bright little girl replied, “Because people are sleeping.” |
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82943
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Reply from 9999999
Jun.02.2008
04:19PM EDT
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The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary
school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
The nun had posted a note on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is
watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the
table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a
note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples." |
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82944
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Reply from 9999999
Jun.02.2008
04:20PM EDT
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Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her
mother, “Why is the bride dressed in white?” “Because white is the
color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.” The
child thought about this for a moment, then said, “So why is the groom
wearing black?” |
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82945
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Reply from 9999999
Jun.02.2008
04:20PM EDT
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There is an old Zen story where a Master asks a student to grab
emptiness. The student makes a gesture of grabbing a handful of empty
space. The Master says, "That's nice, but there's an even better way to
grab emptiness." He takes hold of the student's nose and twists it.
Everything is emptiness! |
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82946
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Reply from 9999999
Jun.02.2008
04:21PM EDT
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SO I MARRIED AN ATHEIST
A young lady came home from a date, rather
sad. She explained to her mother, “Anthony proposed to me an hour ago.”
“Then why are you so sad?” her mother asked. “Because he also told me
he is an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a Hell!”
Her mother replied, “Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is.” |
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82947
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Reply from 9999999
Jun.02.2008
04:23PM EDT
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Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Forget this, and attaining Enlightenment will be the least of your problems. |
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82948
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Reply from 9999999
Jun.02.2008
04:23PM EDT
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OLD AGE
A pious man who had reached the age of 105 suddenly stopped
going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow’s absence after so many
years of faithful attendance the Rabbi went to see him. He found him in
excellent health, so the Rabbi asked, “How come after all these years
we don’t see you at services anymore?”
The old man looked around and
lowered his voice. I’ll tell you, Rabbi,” he whispered. “When I got to
be 90 I expected God to take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then
100, then 105. So I figured that God is very busy and must have
forgotten about me... and I don’t want to remind Him.” |
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82949
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Reply from 9999999
Jun.02.2008
04:27PM EDT
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The Yogi walked into the Zen Pizza Parlor and said: “Make me one with
everything.” When the Yogi got the pizza, he gave the proprietor a $20
bill. The proprietor pocketed the bill. The Yogi said “Don’t I get any
change?” The proprietor said, “Change must come from within.” |
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82950
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Reply from Lynnoh
Jun.02.2008
04:54PM EDT
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THE MONK was like a little story |
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82957
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Reply from Snibbler
Jun.03.2008
01:33AM EDT
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Gotta follow up a good trend here:)
One day the religion teacher held an elaborate explanation of what would happen when we die. She told the class that in the after life, they`d get big beautiful white wings and would fly around and all of that. When her eyes stopped at Shayne, she said. But YOU little Shayne, being such a naughty boy will get black wings I say! Whereupon Shayne replied. I don't #¤%& care as long as I get to fly!:)
(btw. sorry for missing out on quake lately Shayne, work, work..)
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82979
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Reply from ______
Jun.04.2008
05:37PM EDT
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How can you possibly observe your thoughts? You talk as though there is some entity in you separate from thoughts. It is an illusion; your thoughts are not separate from you. There is no thinking. Thought cannot damage you. It is your separative structure trying to control, dominate, censure and use thought that is the problem. Thought by itself can do no damage. It is only when you want to do something with thought that you create problems for yourself.
What is this 'you', as you experience yourself? The 'you' as you know yourself is a product of the momentum of that knowledge that is passed on to us. It has this question which you think is a very intelligent question. Through your demand for an answer to that question it wants to know how to add momentum to that knowledge.
It is not 'you', because 'you' don't exist. There is no individual there at all. Culture, society, or whatever you want to call it, has created 'you' and 'me' for the sole purpose of maintaining its own continuity. But, at the same time, we are made to believe that you have to become an individual. These two things have created this neurotic situation for us. There is no such thing as an individual, and there is no such thing as freedom of action.
There is no sensitivity other than the sensitive nervous system responding to stimuli. So, if you are concerned or preoccupied with the sensitivity of anything else, you are blurring the sensory activity. The eyes cannot see, but the moment you see, the translation of sensory perceptions comes into operation. There is always a space between perception and memory. Memory is like sound. Sound is very slow, whereas light travels faster. All these sensory activities or perceptions are like light. They are very fast. But for some reason we have lost the capacity to kick that [memory] into the background and allow these things to move as fast as they occur in nature. Thought comes, captures it [the sensory perception], and says that it is this or that. That is what you call recognition, or naming, or whatever you want to call it. The moment you recognize this as the tape recorder, the name `tape recorder' also is there. So recognition and naming are not two different things. We would like to create a space between them and believe that these two are different things. As I said earlier, the physical eye by itself has no way of translating the physical perception into the framework of your knowledge.
The fundamental mistake that humanity made somewhere along the line, is, or was, or whatever is the correct verb [chuckles], to experience this separateness from the totality of life. At that time there occurred in man, which includes woman also, this self-consciousness which separated him from the life around. He was so isolated that it frightened him. The demand to be part of the totality of life around him created this tremendous demand for the ultimate. He thought that the spiritual goals of God, truth, or reality, would help him to become part of the `whole' again. But the very attempt on his part to become one with or become integrated with the totality of life has kept him only more separate. Isolated functioning is not part of nature. But this isolation has created a demand for finding out ways and means of becoming a part of nature. But thought in its very nature can only create problems and cannot help us solve them.
We don't seem to realize that it is thought that is separating us from the totality of things. The belief that this is the one that can help us to keep in tune with the totality is not going to materialize. So, it has come up with all kinds of ingenuous, if I may use that word, ideas of insight and intuition.
~U G |
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83035
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Reply from 9999999
Jun.04.2008
05:58PM EDT
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YES
I am a greedy bastard who is willing to kill all the fish in the sea just so he can run his computer to do this pointless post! And this greedy bastard has no way of ending itself because the demand the greedy bastard has to end itself is PERPETUATING THE GREED.
"I" can't know what it is like to be thoughtless because "I" is a thought
why even bother? because im fkn greedy!
gratitude to UG
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83036
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Reply from 9999999
Jun.04.2008
05:59PM EDT
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There is no "I" really. |
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83037
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Reply from Snibbler
Jun.04.2008
07:32PM EDT
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Heh.. U clowns..
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83039
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Reply from lehish
Jun.05.2008
02:51AM EDT
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haha, yp |
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83048
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Reply from ______
Jun.05.2008
08:47AM EDT
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Enjoy the show! Y'all come back soon, y'hear? |
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83054
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Reply from glorymind
Jun.06.2008
06:33AM EDT
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Some more from U. G. Krishnamurti:
I can't say anything about what he meant when he said "I can give it, but can you take it?" but in a way that helped me to formulate my own question. You see, if somebody were to ask me a similar question now, I would say there isn't anything to get from anybody. Who am I to give it to you? You have what I have. We are all at 25 Sannidhi Street, and you are asking me "Where is 25 Sannidhi Street?" I say you are there. Not that I know I am there. This wanting to know where you are -- you are asking that question."
And I liked:
I can say that because unless that alchemy or change in the whole chemistry takes place, there is no way of freeing this organism from thought, from the continuity of thought.
From Mystique of Enlightenment
http://www.well.com/user/jct/mystiq.htm |
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83076
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Reply from ______
Jun.06.2008
08:23AM EDT
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This is why you cannot observe and/or control your thoughts. There is nothing at all that you can do to bring about "that alchemy or change in the whole chemistry". |
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83081
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