One of the things I strive for in myself here is learning patience.

I know of others who are awakened who have come and gone from here because they are criticized by those who are not yet awakened,

people who cant relate to their understanding, but yet who are very sure they know what they are talking about,

why should they bother?  So they dont. 

I think they just go and attend to their own sitting and meditation.

There are others here who are awakened too.  Not all have gone, while others come and go.  The ones who are not awakened are easy to spot.  They are the ones telling me to stay focused and pay attention to becoming awakened, because they dont share the understanding of those who are.  They dont know what they dont have because they dont have it yet.

With knowledge there is no understanding, and with understanding there is no knowledge.

But this is not a sangha or a dojo.  Its a forum, where any and all can express themselves, from wherever they are on their path.  One thing that is always apparent here is that on any path it is easy to see behind, and not so easy to see ahead.

When I first came here, looking for other awakened people, a fellow said that to him his satori experience, was like remembering a humburger that he ate 25 years ago.

I was aghast that anyone could have so little regard for such a tremendous experience, and told him that what he must have had was kensho, not satori.

Over time I came to see that he did have the same understanding that I had, he just wasnt as new at it as I was, and so I had to eat crow and apologize.  Afterwards he sent me an email sharing his satori experience and it was very profound.  We became friends.

I didnt see what he was saying because he was further down the road than me.  I couldnt see in him what I did not yet have in myself. 

I like to tell my stories, and I love the Spirit, but my understanding is of nothingness, no-thing-ness, from which anything may come.  For me it is the Spirit, but thats just for me, and maybe some others, but to each their own, from their own Self.

When you are truly awakened, you see this, and you work to stop it. You see by paying attention. esoteric

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This must be one of those *self-diagnoses* of awakening, through *paying attention*.

Its all an illusion, except what you believe in, which is delusion.

The beauty of understanding that is that you can pick your delusions.  Why not ?  Theres no reason not to.  It doesnt matter.  In the case of the Buddha, he chose to teach even though he understood that there is nothing to learn and nothing to teach.  It was what he wanted to be.

And that is the difference.  If you are doing what you think you should do, thats just delusion.  If you are being what you want to be, that is illusion, or delusion within illusion. 

The only thing I believe in is the Spirit.  Thats my chosen delusion, within illusion.  Not a burden, but perhaps a gift to myself from my Self.

When you are looking for something here, stop and look at yourself, and understand what you are looking for. When you get some emotional response, stop and look at what caused it, and how it is caused in your mind.  esoteric

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Yeah, what concerns me about you, esoteric, is that we usually dislike most in others either  what we have overcome in ourselves, or what we have not yet overcome in ourselves. 

Kinda like people who quit smoking and then become radically anti-smoking, with a vengeance, for instance.

If I have stopped being like you, I sure do want to keep it that way.  

Im just being the me I choose to be, and I want to be sure Im not interferring with other people being who they want to be.  For me its not about doing, paying attention or anything else, its about being. 

If youre not being who you want to be, then how could you ever hope to be happy?  So if youre being who you want to be, go ahead, just stay away from me with the stick you think youre entitled to hit people with, for their own good, of course.

Im not angry with you, esoteric.  What I feel toward you is disgust.

I think it may be that you remind me of my older brother.  He is always right, insists on being in control, and when he screws up its never his fault. 

We are estranged, and I havent had anything to do with him for years. 

Quote: "We should not forget that our words are affect everyone."
.........

I value honesty above all else.  But you are right, there may be such a thing as being too honest.

Got this from Spiritual Awakenings Fb page:

*The pain and damage we encounter from our past has a tendency to creep up in the present, especially when we are in the midst of new relationships and situations in life. This is ours souls way of giving us another chance to make peace with our past and truly give us a new start to life. If you feel your old damage creeping up today, affirm to yourself, “I am safe and at peace and step fully into today knowing that I will always be ok.*

I do believe that what I have felt for you is in memory of the things I endured from my older brother.  I will have to see how that insight changes things. 

Quote: "Yes, you're all in mental agitation together. "
.........

Not anymore. 

Im no longer displacing what I still feel toward mom and my brother toward esoteric, and hopefully not ever again toward anyone else either.

Looking back, I can see that has been a problem.