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  Subhuti was Buddha's disciple. He was able to understand the potency of emptiness, that nothing exists except in its relationship of subjectivity and objectivity. One day, in a mood of sublime emptiness, Subhuti was resting underneath a tree... continue...

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→→→→ vertical line TOPIC: ME AND MY ZEN-EGO
vertical line Posted on Feb.20.2013 @ 10:04PM EDT by nibble

For some reason feel like writing, "all characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental or something, ok?"

Ok, down nibbles rabbit hole, feedback please..

Some people and their distrust annoys me. They cannot fathom that someone can do something without motives other than, uh, guess I`m in a process to figure out.

I know that all I really want is feel alive, I like that, what more to ask than feel really alive kinda?

Recently spoke with this dude ("friend") complaining of how messed up his life was with little light in the tunnel, desperately poor and all he does turn to sht.

He even have a big ego and is insulted easily yet he cannot take pleasure in the fact of being a somewhat famous painter with skills others would kill for and in my eyes is the best living painter in the world, and I literary mean it, he had that staus long before I knew him and I do not get pleased easily.

That is one of the reason I like him, I can tell him honestly what I think of his work. Just as I like being with this gorgeous girl, she can ask me anytime how she looks, I can honestly say beautiful (thou I think most `photomodells` in magazine looks kinda boring soulless plastic). And in my world u better be God or pure gold to ask me what I honestly think, I have a very high list.

Usefulness, negative but in a positive way, I can tell a car buyer nice car (he`s already bought it and all cars today are nice) , to the manufacturer I would probably come up with a looooong list of grievances and he`d hate me (unless it`s an Audi A6, then it be a short list)

Probable many people might think I`m an arrogant ahole, I do not care. Really. Unless someone I truly like thinks that.., then it bothers me that they can't see me while I can see them.

I like pleasing pleasant people. I like having someone praise the work I`ve done for him. I get as much pleasure from a smiling lady in some kindergarten grateful for someone finally fixing that ugly fence as from some important business dude praising the fantastic visual work designing the most important aspect to some ridiculously expensive oil exhibition.

But I do not like someone just judging my work and telling me how good picture I`ve made and great designer I am. I`ts tedious bla bla bla, I know I am good, yes yes, ok, pretty picture but not so great really,

I never make great stuff, maybe a webpage or two might come kinda close, but great stuff takes awful amount of time to make and I have no reason to make it other than it would be neat.

But if someone tell me they do not like something I`ve made, I will gratefully listen to their opinion, and I seldom conclude that they have no taste or stupid/do not know what they are talking about.

Problem with most people is that they cannot fathom someone doing anything, saying anything, without some ulterior selfish reason one way or another. And in a sense it`s true, but they do

not get that for me it does not matter who "get`s it" as long as someone get`s it kinda (just twisted my tongue there, au).

I am not Jesus, neither Satan. I am nothing with potential for everything. But as long as I choose to live in such close proximity to the beehive, I take care.

My famous painter "friend",  I could "fix" his money problem in one day, all I have to do is to bring to his secluded atelier another "friend" of mine that is a huge fan dying to meet him, and incidentally  from a very wealthy family.

I will not do that.

Why?

Firstly there is no problem to fix....    .     .

 The painter has food, roof and a million or two worth of oil paintings hanging all around him that are his property free to do as like really. But seemingly he`s not really aware of facts as he seldom socialises and does not speak the language here and has somewhat poor English with mostly his own mind to tell him the reality of his situation (I don`t see him too often, and when I do he are much more interested in talking than listen naturally).

I`ve told him a few simple steps he could do to get money without worrying about ruining any market or stepping any toes (online classifieds using some alias) But he want me to magically fix it for him.

Sure, could have, but have another "friend", "closer friend", he owns the gallery where this painter work and sleeps for "free" keeping him with pocket change, small loans, until there is enough material and time for a proper exhibition. Something which will probably be around the time when "scrooge" can focus on other than rent from his tenements, legal battle and generally keeping the property empire out of the hands of other greedy bstrds.

If I got myself involved in selling some paintings, he might not look at it as pure back stabbing betrayal as he have kinda known me for many years and I know no other that can come and go as please (thou he`s sometimes a little paranoid/confused as to my motives whatever). But regardless of anything I would trample on his "investment" no matter and there be much trouble and annoyance for all involved, me specially.

If I bring my wealthy "fanboy friend" along, I can easily see the rest of the story as he would get a greedy boner from the opportunity to buy the real deal, not like the signed lithographs he once got hold of and sold online making some nifty profit, but original drawings and paintings and in a wide range from the world's worst seller ever.

I`d end up listening to my painter friend whine of how he was ripped off, while my other friend would piss away any profit one way or the other with me probable blamed for causing whatever mess.

But if me and painter takes a coffee on an outside restaurant, something that happens, and if fanboy happens to walk by, then it`s ok, no problem, they are two independent grown up men and I would not  involve other than being a mutual friend, Insha'Allah


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Reply from jordtm
Feb.21.2013
12:45AM EDT 
Email jordtm
vertical line What is alive? It is the mind, is it not. What is reality? Isn't it the mind, also. Can one understand the ways of the mind? Can one be 'light' enough to say 'I don't know?' Are you free to just leave it at that, 'I don't know', and simply watch? That would be intelligence.
vertical line Quote & Reply   Post Reply 150062
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Reply from leoj99
Feb.21.2013
12:49AM EDT 
vertical line Yeah... Zen should be I don't know but most of the people in Zen Forums can't admit I don't know because they know too much about Zen...lol
vertical line Quote & Reply   Post Reply 150063
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