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  The Zen Master Hoshin lived in China many years. Then he returned to the northeastern part of Japan, where he taught his disciples. When he was getting very old, he told them a story he had heard in China. This is the story: One year on... continue...

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→→→→ vertical line TOPIC: DO YOU HAVE PARENTS THAT WON'T ACCEPT YOU BECAUSE OF ZEN?
vertical line Posted on Sep.20.2013 @ 03:03AM EDT by zenisin
I started a listserv for folks that have these kinds of issues with their parents, here it is.

To join simply send an e-mail to dfslistserv-subscribe@yahoogroups.com



How can one heal from having narcissistic parents?

1. Typically economic independence is a big one. Parents can use money to manipulate and interfere in the lives of their children. This can be through spoiling the child or depriving the child of what he or she needs. Gradually making it a habit to finance oneself, without relying on money from parents makes separating from a narcissist parent easier. This can become more complicated if the child is still in college or is disabled.

2. It is not beneficial to confront the narcissistic parent in anger. When one learns about narcissist abuse and sees how it has affect his or her life, anger and rage may be the result. Typically confrontations with parents can lead to retaliation by the parent, which may set you back further. Specific instances that have hurt you emotionally can be brought up with the parent, but confronting him/her for being a narcissist is typically not productive. In this case, it is simply better to play it cool and move on with one’s life.

3. Finding support socially: Making and maintaining friendships is important and finding an outlet for your hobbies and interests is as well. One of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is a place of belonging. Being born into a narcissistic family means your family of origin cannot fulfill this need. You cannot control where you are born. It’s important to find belonging amongst friends and like-minded individuals. There are more of us out there than you think.
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Reply from *CSEe*
Sep.20.2013
07:46PM EDT 
Email *CSEe*
vertical line Perhaps in Buddhism , there is no relationship as all is same and equal , no special emotion for anyone or anything ......
vertical line Quote & Reply   Post Reply 154507
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Reply from zenisin
Sep.20.2013
10:03PM EDT 
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vertical line I find it is easier to trust and be with people, who are not from my family.  I don't think its just "my" family that's the culprit.  I think its the nuclear family as a system that is narcissistic.  Such a system may be hostile to ideas like zen buddhism or sexual freedom.
vertical line Quote & Reply   Post Reply 154514
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Reply from so_teh
Sep.20.2013
11:04PM EDT 
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vertical line Unminding is the necessary first step. Followed by mindfulness training.
vertical line Quote & Reply   Post Reply 154515
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Reply from zenisin
Sep.23.2013
10:03PM EDT 
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vertical line unminding is subjective
vertical line Quote & Reply   Post Reply 154558
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Reply from so_teh
Sep.23.2013
10:33PM EDT 
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vertical line Gassho

May your hardships be few.
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Reply from Avisitor
Sep.24.2013
08:06PM EDT 
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vertical line Quote: "I find it is easier to trust and be with people, who are not from my family.  I don't think its just "my" family that's the culprit.  I think its the nuclear family as a system that is narcissistic.  Such a system may be hostile to ideas like zen buddhism or sexual freedom. "
.........

I wish you peace and love.
Hope you will find the love and trust of the family in your life time.

Often control is an issue and growing up is a battle to gain some freedom.
When beliefs conflict, trust becomes an issue.

But, I find love is at the core of most families.
Good luck to you.
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