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→→→→ vertical line TOPIC: WHY DO I STILL FEEL SEPARATE DURING WHAT I THINK IS PURE CONSCIOUSNESS
vertical line Posted on Feb.23.2017 @ 10:01AM EDT by bosweljj
Ok, I’ve been meditating for a while now and I’ve always been able to quickly achieve a state of good awareness and sometimes I think I’ve actually had glimpses of enlightenment or pure consciousness but I’ve never got anything out of it other than feeling one with the moment at that time and then when meditation is over, thoughts rush in along with life stresses etc.. I try to continue the practice into everyday life activities. I listen A LOT to Alan Watts audio archives and audiobooks and I actually understand that we (cosmos) are all 1, all connected and interdependent on each other, a harmony of complex patterns and events etc. but last night I believe that I actually achieved proper pure consciousness, I had no concept of time, I was just doing and witnessing, completely separate from my thoughts, I could of been anywhere doing anything and I would of felt the same, just a watcher experiencing with no judgement, it felt amazing. HOWEVER, I still felt separate, like a watcher separate from the universe seeing it unfold before me, but still separate. I don’t feel connected. I think that when I die my watcher will die, I don’t feel like my watcher is the energy of universe and it will go on when my body dies. I’m struggling to explain it in words. I feel my thoughts as separate from me, I can see them come and go but I still don’t feel one with the universe. I do as a mutual happening both happening at the same time, me and it but not as the same thing! Can someone guide me!
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Reply from so_teh
Feb.26.2017
09:31PM EDT 
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vertical line I know what it is like being caught in the IDEA of all this. And that's what alan watts and others don't want to happen. They are just one individual with a perception. When you combine many individuals with many of the same similar perceptions before you know it you are caught in this IDEA.

My suggestion from what you wrote is take a break from the subject. Learn something new! Out of the realm of the subject of consciousness. This can be difficult. But when you break away from it for awhile you will find some real clarity. Then you can return with a fresh mind.

Do something different.
vertical line Quote & Reply   Post Reply 161057
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Reply from bosweljj
Feb.28.2017
09:11AM EDT 
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vertical line Thank you for the reply. I will. It can get frustrating sometimes as I feel like I'm on the verge of understanding it all, like it's all about to 'click' in my mind and then no, something's missing or something doesn't make sense.
vertical line Quote & Reply   Post Reply 161058
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Reply from so_teh
Mar.12.2017
01:27PM EDT 
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vertical line Silent Knowing
vertical line Quote & Reply   Post Reply 161059
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Reply from Michaelg
Apr.06.2017
11:32AM EDT 
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vertical line When sitting in meditation we are not searching but instead are simply observing the impermanent nature of all appearance as it rises and ceases including that of the conventional mind. The mind wants to grasp but there is nothing to grasp but shadows. All is empty of inherent existence but there is the quality of appearance that manifest as "now". Cling to no view, desire no "result", grasp no memory or concept of "enlightenment", simply sit quietly and observe the rising and passing of one breath, the impermanent nature of all phenomena including "self".
Love and Peace
vertical line Quote & Reply   Post Reply 161060
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Reply from Avisitor
Apr.10.2017
01:36AM EDT 
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vertical line There are those who teach how to regulate the mind by doing quiet sitting.
Teaching them to completely separating themselves from all matters.
This becomes an instance of using the mind to stop the mind.
Practice of this type, how can they not fall into the realm of dead end meditation?

Back when I had a teacher, my practice began in earnest.
And soon, I had experiences of such as being separated from myself.
There were times of watching the things going on with no thoughts.
Spoke to my teacher about it. He said forget the experience and move on.
But, the experience is such that one wonders how could this not be part of what I seek.
It is just another trap. Another thing to get wrapped up in it.
vertical line Quote & Reply   Post Reply 161061
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Reply from so_teh
Apr.10.2017
02:08AM EDT 
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vertical line Practice "The unnamable is the eternally real."

You don't have to become a mute.

Just practice sincerely.

_/\_

vertical line Quote & Reply   Post Reply 161062
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Reply from bosweljj
Apr.11.2017
05:25AM EDT 
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vertical line This has developed further since I last wrote. My downfall probably is that I'm seeking enlightenment in the distance. Even though I truly am in the moment and not seeking anything at the forefront of my mind, I'm not clinging to anything, I'm completely separate from my thoughts and now even my thoughts of my thoughts (they talk to each other eg thought person a - that new films out thought person b - look at thought person a thinking about that new film and then there's me watching both) perhaps still my goal in the background is to get somewhere with it but everything is developing deeper and deeper to the point last night I actually thought I think I'm already there already enlightened but I know I'm not coz I don't feel it. I think I'm not afraid of dying at that moment because there's only now and in every moment there's just an experience but I think it's my ego tricking me into thinking this as if I was actually faced with death I think my ego would panic like crazy and probably crack to reveal my true being. I will tell you all a cool meditation session I had the other day though it was literally amazing. I was lying down (I feel more 'awake' when I'm lying down or walking as opposed to sitting for whatever reason, I think it's to do with my bad back and knees distracting me) and about 15 mins in, I felt my body merge with the floor and earth, I felt like just a head, and when I breathed it was coming from the whole earth, like I was or was a part of the whole earth (or should I say my body not me) and when I breathed it moved with me HOWEVER, I still felt separated from it with my head, I felt like I wasn't my body and that I was just this awareness but this awareness is not apart of the whole earth or cosmos. Not sure if this again was pure consciousness or whether it's my ego pretending again maybe it's both and I can't let go of me! I want to I really do! Or am I just telling myself that. There are times when I feel awakened during daily activities too like eating and walking to the shops, I'm fully present aware of everything separate from my thoughts but still attached to me or my ego! I think I may be getting confused between me and ego. I really think I need a teacher as I think the door is ajar and I need help to walk through it.
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Reply from bosweljj
Apr.13.2017
12:43PM EDT 
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vertical line Yet again, this has developed even further just within the past few days. Things are moving fast. I used to become present spontaneously say anything between 3-10 times a day for say a few minutes separate from meditation whereas now it's happening all the time falling in and out of being fully present, I even feel separated from my body like I'm watching a movie through my eyes, the hands holding this phone are not mine but at the same time it's all mine coming out of my experience yet I don't know who I am, I know I need to look inwards and I can't stop thinking about it, and sometimes I feel like it's around the corner and my heart pounds but then I just go into noticing my hands again. I know that I will know the truth eventually whether that's soon or the day I die but until then I can't stop thinking about it, nothing else really matters, it's exciting and scary, I like me to be honest but I also want to know the truth.
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Reply from bosweljj
Apr.14.2017
07:42PM EDT 
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vertical line I know I'm just replying to myself now lol but I get it now. My god a lot has happened in 2 days! Thought I was gonna die yesterday with what I experienced and I couldn't go to the end of it, I was too frightened but since then I've meditated and everything has clicked now, I just don't see everything as one happening it's more of a cluster of happenings here and there constantly. The best way I can describe it in short is that if we had just one sense like touch but couldn't see hear smell etc, we'd have no problem in realising that sensations alone wouldn't be us (as an ego) they'd just be a feeling there and a feeling here. But say sight and touch together creates the illusion that something is there. I guess this was an evolution thing for survival, group all this together with sound smell thoughts etc and uv got a believable and separate reality. Like an immense 6d game or something. Imagine playing a mega realistic game, u can feel and see and hear etc but in the background you know it's not real as in it's an illusion not the fact that it's not actually real real. I know this to be true now I just can't see the full picture together in one happening, it's like I am feeling but still see objects as well and then I concentrate on the sight and see like a movie happening happening lol but still think separably but now I know the truth, I'm no longer in a rush or afraid I'm just going to be what is and go with the flow and I know I'll get there. Sometimes it'd take me a while to get into a meditative state, others sometimes never if I was distracted but now I can feel vibrations or hear sounds as if it's me in instants when I want during driving and talking and cooking etc. A constant blissful reminder x
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Reply from Avisitor
Jul.21.2022
01:01AM EDT 
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vertical line It has been more than five years since your last posts.
Would like to know how you are carrying on?
Did you find a teacher?
Did you verify your beliefs?
Guess we won't find out anytime soon??
vertical line Quote & Reply   Post Reply 161126
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